Dealing With Death

I was married for about 23 years and then one day I woke up as widower. That was 2.5 years ago and today I stand on the precipice of starting all over, yet again. I rattled around the place that was once a home that turned into nothing more than a house, I wandered through the now quiet hallways and flashes of the memories of two decades burst into my thoughts. Having just retired I soon realized that life without my partner was not the life I had planned on. Growing up I always assumed my family would be like I saw on The Waltons television show with a sprinkling of The Brady Bunch thrown in. I never thought my life would be filled with adult children drama that never ends and an empty house of memories. 2.5 years and one day I awoke to more drama and the same ceiling yet again, with an environment of drama filling the air.

I’m Going For a Drive

After getting tired of waking up everyday with nothing to do and adult children lecturing me and one even telling me they wished I was dead…. I decided to take a drive. I left abruptly and drove 7,880 miles crisscrossing America thinking of nothing more than the road ahead of me. I was gone for five weeks and my adult children turned my departure into an all about them issue. The interesting thing is that my trip was all about me, which is a privilege I had earned since my youngest child was now 32 years old. I will not get into the family drama but when I returned home I decided I needed a reboot of my life as my children’s wants started to trample upon my needs… and that had to stop.

I Sold Almost Everything

When I returned home I decided that I was dragging around too many memories and that if I did not STOP living in the past, I would die before my time. I immediately put the home on the market and held a “Wife Died Sale” and either sold or gave away all I owned within the walls of that house that was my home for about 30 years. My goal has been to be able to fit everything I own within the trunk of my Toyota Camry. I have achieved the trunk goal and now I am awaiting the sale of the place I once called home.

I sit here in an undisclosed location anticipating what life will bring my way. Now that my children are adults I have to live my life once again. For some reason my children do not realize I somehow made it through life a few decades before they even existed. I have to do something because I am tired of dragging around memories of places and things. Many people will think I am crazy but I do not care because dumping all the possessions I coveted is one of the most liberating things I have ever done.

The Future IS Starting Again

Now when I awake in the morning I know that I have a future ahead of me. I know that I have to have a purpose and at the age of 60+ I am getting excited again about life. Years ago I bought a sign in Nashville that said….

“Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget to live…”

Unknown…..

This sign really hit me emotionally.

I am still stacking my silver and watching the banking crisis pick up speed and trying to not gain a bunch of belly fat as I travel across the country again very soon. Despite what my adult children think this is about me. I earned it and if they cannot accept that I need it… I feel like I am 17 again heading off to Parris Island for Marine Corps bootcamp. I write this more for myself than believing anyone else will be even the slightest bit interested. This is part of my healing and that somewhere out there is another life waiting for me to step within.

I Thank You…

I thank the few followers I have for your concern and I intend to update my YouTube channel and this website to keep you in the loop of how my life is going….. Nobody ever said life was easy… and only I can stop MY life from not being what I want and need it to be…..